Inky bolts.

Thump.

I eagerly await the day when I can hold my little man and see his beautiful face. I even look forward to dirty diapers, lack of sleep, breasfeeding pains, annoying family and hours of shrill screaming.

And my obsession and dedication to a healthy diet and active lifestyle grow everyday. I can’t wait to tone up and enjoy my body. After the damage done from improper dieting, this is a do-over opportunity to have the perfect body, instead of a body that looks perfect fully clothed.

What I’m not excited for is my little man not being in my belly. I feel so close to him, so protective over him. Right now he’s mine, and no one else can touch him. I’m proud of myself for the extreme changes I’ve made in my diet and habits. I don’t smoke weed or cigarettes, drink booze or caffiene and I eat natural simple foods, take vitamins and sleep regularly. My boy is normal sized, healthy and strong. My body has reacted in ways I never thought possible, every developmental milestone has been passed flawlessly, every negative possibility avoided. In the end, the body I never took care of was stronger than I could imagine.
And not only on my own. Because he’s there my teeth, nails and hair are stronger than ever. My mind is clear beyond any time I can remember and I’m beyond happy and stable.

And in nearly 3 months I’ll be empty again and everyone will want me to share whats been mine to nuture, mine to protect and mine to feel.
In summary: I DON’T WANT IT. >:
I want him to be all mine forever.

Return to rambling.

Well, its been nearly a year and I once again find myself in need of a means to vent. I don’t expect anymore from Tumblr than I did before, but here we go again.

I am 27 weeks and 5 days pregnant. I lost everything I knew as my life from when I last updated this blog. Mostly through poor choices of my own, but also due to the greed and depravity of others.
As it is, my life is completely changed. I am learning to live a more humble life, I have put my career on hold for my soon to be son, Jack and I have found complete sobriety and peace.

I am gifted in ways I never imagined, in my life I’ve known nothing but sacrafice and misery. I allowed myself to be fooled by destructive souls in my desperation for acceptance, and in the end it nearly cost me my life.
In the darkest moments, life has a way of letting in the light. Be it an altruistic force, karma or fate, for every ounce of suffering I was rewarded with love, understanding and compassion.
I can never described the love I feel for this man, or our child growing inside me. I feel whole, perfect, happy. I can see a future for myself, I have a reason to be strong. I awake every morning and look at him and feel love, feel happiness. I feel our son move and it nearly brings me to tears. Every day I spend with Nick is another gifted moment. I look forward to our life together and every day in that journey.

My posts from here on will mostly be about the freakish nature of an average pregnancy.

Catbutt.

10 reasons why my cat > any pet you’ll ever own.

1. He is the big spoon.
Catbutt enjoys cuddling my back. He is warm.

2. He doesn’t ruin my furniture.
Catbutt has claimed an office chair and enjoys climbing up and down it to maintain his nails. He doesn’t scratch it and destroy it, just runs up and down it like a maniac. This works for me.

3. He eats dry food.
Even if he doesn’t want it or like it, I don’t give a fuck. He’s never had wet food and will never get it. That shit is expensive and smells awful.

4. He rapes my wool blanket.
He doesn’t actually hump it, just sucks on it and kneads with his paws. I typically stop this behavior to prevent him from spraying (or getting hurt sucking on a damn electrical blanket) but it’s still cute as hell.

5. He makes a great scarf.
He’ll just lay there and not move and he’s warm.

6. He smells good.
Most cats smell like cat spit or litterbox. Catbutt smells like clean clothes, as that is typically his favorite place to sleep.

7. That cat will eat fucking anything.
This is more annoying that it is amusing, except for when he eats cheese puffs. That’s fucking cute.

8. Plastic bags finally have a good use.
Catbutt fucking loves sitting on them and licking them. I don’t know why, but for as long as he isn’t trying to chew it, I don’t care.

9. He is endlessly fascinated by me and what I’m doing.
This is typically creepy, but it’s amusing to have a cat watch you clean/cook/sleep/video games simply because he enjoys knowing what you’re doing.

10. He can’t stay mad at me.
Shove him off my lap, yell at him, chew on his ears, etc. No matter what I do, he always comes running right back to me. Because I’m dah mommy.

Oh yeah.

Day off part two;
Cleaning the apartment in a high/OCD fit, delicious massive steak&cheese&mushroom&onion calzone, beasting the last of the gyms in pokemon white, x-files, washing/straightening my hair again, sewing clothes I’ve been procrastinating doing and fixing broken things around the apartment.

Productive day ftw.

• The Good Child (also known as the Hero): a child who assumes the parental role.
• The Problem Child (also known as the Scapegoat): the child who is blamed for most problems and may be partly responsible for the family’s dysfunction, in spite of often being the only emotionally stable one in the family.
• The Rebel (against parental authority): Somewhat similar to the problem child, however, he or she is at least part, if not all, of the cause of the family’s dysfunction.
• The Caretaker: the one who takes responsibility for the emotional well-being of the family.
• The Lost Child: the inconspicuous, quiet one, whose needs are usually ignored or hidden.
• The Mascot: uses comedy to divert attention away from the increasingly dysfunctional family system.
• The Mastermind: the opportunist who capitalizes on the other family members’ faults in order to get whatever he or she wants. Often the object of appeasement by grown-ups.

‘Loyalty manipulation (giving unearned rewards and lavish attention trying to ensure a favored, yet rebellious child will be the one most loyal and well-behaved, while subtly ignoring the wants and needs of their most loyal child currently)’

sometimes I feel like tumblr has potential, then I remember a vast percentage of it’s user base is under legal drinking age and describes themselves as ‘weird, random, creative’ ‘asexual, bisexual, gay’ and typically obsesses over menial shit not to exclude shitty pop stars.

So it’s myspace meets 4chan for the angsty antisocial. wtg tumblr, you officially appeal to the lowest common denominator of the internet.

17 and a sexual? No doubt. I totally respect your uh not decision as you continue to develop genetically and sexually. I mean, at 17 you know the world and you know only lolrandom toasters and harry potter merch make your girly gibblets wiggle because you’re sooo original and introverted. Now, quickly post pictures of things you’ve doodle cats on so your etsy friends don’t move to the next popular trend.

SIZE 4.
Yeah, you can be jealous.

This hurricane is really fucking everything up. I hope it does its worst as quickly as possible and moves on, I need to get shit done.

Not to mention it feels like I’m ice skating in a golf cart with these damn winds.

I am ignoring tumblr until I no longer see gaga’s dumbass attempt at cd’ing.

I’ve seen 40 year old men in fishnet passing better than she can. Seriously, is it only plainly obvious to me or is there anyone else on tumblr who’s actually known/fucked cd/tv’s?

Also, she looks more like nick cave than nick cave does.
that’s not a compliment.

Only jewelry and video games are worthless when you leave the store.